Dear Chem-Nuclear waste dump,
September 10th, 2007
You know lots of science fiction movies have started with nuclear waste leaking into the local water supply.
Dear Chem-Nuclear waste dump, You know lots of science fiction movies have started with nuclear waste leaking into the local water supply. City Paper has so far had no reason to venture into the wilds of Barnwell County and, sweet creeping Jesus, we definitely plan to keep it that way after hearing your radioactive sludge is oozing into nearby aquifers. I’d like to see a four-legged barn owl as much as the next guy, but a four-legged gas station attendant? …Not so much. Thankful you’re downstream, Columbia City Paper
Dear language barrier with delivery guy Me sorry you no find house, but me hungry too! You search and search and me wait and wait. Honor money give to you much happy happy but food no warm like heart of dragon. You hatch back pull over next time to cell phone talk and see much more easy find door to knock knock. Columbia City Paper
Dear chatty driver, “Dude, it looked like this—check it out—it looked like—hey… hey, man, check it out—it was doing this…” OK!!! It was doing that? Really? Cool! Now, since you’re doing 70 in a 45 could you just describe the rest to me with words and keep both hands on the wheel? This is one time I prefer no eye contact during a conversation and WOAH, you totally almost hit that power walker! I’ll just swing the passenger side visor mirror toward you and try to reflect the view of the road in front of us so you can finish your story about Madden ‘08. Columbia City Paper
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