Dear Happy Days theme song,
June 7th, 2007
Since the moment I set foot in the store that was streaming TV sitcom soundtracks, I can’t get you out of my head.
Dear skinny red drink straw,
Have I been trying to siphon booze through a stir stick all these years or are you actually a straw? You seem to be some weird hybrid of the two. Make up your mind.
Columbia City Paper
Dear neighboring cities,
HELLLLP US!! SEND HELP! A Columbia entertainment weekly—that many in the region still consider our city’s alternative paper—just published a cover story praising known racist Maurice Bessinger alongside a regular column by Pat Buchanan! They dumped Michael Graham for Pat Buchanan! Should we laugh or weep?! And the alternative community here is as docile as baby deer, not to mention being as conservative and milk toast as most Republicans! HELLLP! Are we trapped in an episode of the Twilight Zone? No, no, no, no, it’s a bad dream. Yeah, that’s it. Just wake up. Come on. … Just. Wake. Up. … HELLLLLPPPPP!!!!!!!
Columbia City Paper
Dear Chinese government,
It’s pretty messed up that you are planning to execute the former head of your Food and Drug Administration who was caught taking a payoff to approve substandard medicines. Hey, that happens over here every day! Still, we can’t help but wonder how things would go in this country if we had laws for politicians like that. Hmm… sure beats sentencing someone to 25 years for having a bag of weed. Columbia City Paper
Dear Happy Days theme song, Since the moment I set foot in the store that was streaming TV sitcom soundtracks, I can’t get you out of my head. “Good by gray skies, hello blue / Nothing can hold me when I hold you.” … It’s like poetry from hell. And could anyone more succinctly capture the essence of the rock culture: “It feels so right, it can’t be wrong / Rockin’ and rollin’ all week long.” I’ll bet whoever is reading this will hum you all day, too. These days are ah-ah-ah-ah-ours! …You’re like a virus, a cheesy damned virus!
Columbia City Paper
Dear children’s daycare, The following things are not considered proper care for children: microwaving them, leaving them in a hot car with the windows rolled up, shaking them violently or making them watch The View. What is it with you sicko daycare facilities? You’ve been all over the news lately. When I drop my baby girl off with you I’m expecting pink fluffy toys and apple juice, not freakin’ Abu Ghraib. Columbia City Paper
June 9th, 2007 at 08:54 AM
From story: “…just published a cover story praising known racist Maurice Bessinger…”
The word racist is a synonym for the word European, that is why, 99.99% of the time, Hollywood and the corporate media only use these terms towards Europeans.
That is why nonwhites are encouraged to organize along racial lines, appoint racially defined leaders and to discriminate when in their ethnic interests, yet when European-Americans engage in the same behavior they are automatically called names like racist or neo-Nazi.
Nobody is opposed to inequality; the nonwhites flooding into the West, largely from the Third World, are not opposed to inequality.
“Diversity” does not inject enrichment into a society, it injects alienation, tension and instability. That is why diversity always Balkanizes a society. And given most of the people coming into the West belong to racial families with average IQs under 90, “diversity” will bring Third World poverty to the West.
June 9th, 2007 at 04:51 PM
Shit, man. Why don’t you just goose step the fuck on over that way….and have a Maurice’s bbq sammich. Ass.
Doug
Ps Fuck you, buddy- my daddy’s from Guam.
June 10th, 2007 at 05:36 PM
How ironic is it that a whack-job racist posted with the same name as a famous black baseball player/broadcaster? Hooray, generic names.
June 11th, 2007 at 10:58 AM
Just yesterday when I stopped at a McDonalds in South Caroling, I picked up one of those skinny straws and didn’t notice it until I was back in the car. Upon seeing my husband’s larger straw, I returned for the right one. Otherwise, I’d still be sipping. So I really got a kick out of your comments. May straws be straws and stirring sticks be stirring sticks forever!