Dear streaming radio,
June 20th, 2007
An… here we …go-a …gain!
Letters to the reader…
Dear shoe in the median of Rosewood Drive, The implications of how you got there range from sinister to bizarre and, frankly, the sight of you kind of puts a weird spin on my day. Did someone accidentally step out of you and decide they’d just come back later? Were you thrown from inside a moving vehicle during a heated argument, missing your target and flying out the window? Maybe you fell from a passing jet due to a faulty baggage compartment? Whatever the case, hang in there little buddy; I’ll be sure to keep an out eye for your rightful owner. I’m guessing he won’t be too hard to spot. Columbia City Paper
Dear streaming radio, Wow, I haven’t heard this song in years! It reminds me of… oh, okay, great you need to buffer for 20 seconds. While we’re waiting I guess I should thank you for letting me suffer through the extended mix of “We Built This City (on Rock and Roll)” uninterrupted, though. Hey, alright! An… here we …go-a …gain! This site has more congested streams than the pisser at an old folks home. I’m just going to dust off my turntable and be done with it. Columbia City Paper
Dear no eye contact,
So hey, I am over here! Did you stab someone recently or are you just that insecure about your worth in our conversation about the burger I just ordered from you and my decision to have it here or to go? Sure, I might think what you just said is stupid but didn’t your mama teach you that you should always look a man in the eyes when you hand him his milkshake?
Columbia City Paper
Dear summer driveway sealer, No I don’t want that extra super sealant that will keep my driveway lasting forever. Weren’t you the guy that was here last year and it turned out to be motor oil and washed away after the first rain? Dude, you might as well carry around a crumpled piece of paper and say you are raising money for new basket ball uniforms for Irmo high school or to reduce crime on behalf of the baptist church of Muhammad. Columbia City Paper
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