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By Joe Fottallate Nothing fuels my appetite like visiting Columbia’s Riverbanks Zoo.

Kenya Cafe at Riverbanks Zoo By Joe Fottallate Nothing fuels my appetite like visiting Columbia’s Riverbanks Zoo. On a recent visit, I found myself drooling over the blubbery sea lions while they lolled in the sun during their afternoon feeding. A few moments later, I caught myself sucking my teeth at the chubby drumsticks on the rare East African crowned crane. Passing the succulent flanks on the zebra was torture and once I petted the cow at the petting zoo, I folded like a chair. Uncle.

I went straight to the zoo’s Kenya Cafe. Simplicity is the key there. There are no pretensions to atmosphere, save a few wood signs with Africa-sounding names to designate the various stations and to help guide the diner through the cafeteria-styled operation. At the Mboko Grill, or something, I grabbed a foil-wrapped cheeseburger and a basket of fries from under a heat lamp. There were other choices, too, like hotdogs and chicken sandwiches. In fact, wax replicas of all of the fare were laid out in a basket, slathered with fake plastic ketchup. (At least, I pray those were wax replicas.)

I decided against a $10 plastic cup with a rhino head lid at the Njobonanji Soda fountain, or something, and pointed my tray down the stainless steel track toward the cashier. I paid the lady in the apron and made my way through what used to be a Burger King dining room to rendezvous with my companions who had already seated themselves on the alligator observation deck. It was a beautiful afternoon, though the growing breeze forced us to weight down our burger wrappings and napkins with saltshakers and sodas. I grinned broadly at one of my companions and sank my teeth into the most anticipated gut bomb of the last six months or so.

As far as fast food cheeseburgers go, it wasn’t bad. Also, the fries were fresh and my tea stayed cold. What more can you ask from fast food? I opted out of a shrink-wrapped desert, as I had planned on hitting the Ape Island Snack Bar. Instead, I sat on the deck and scanned the pea green water for an alligator. I assumed that people tossed burger bits and fries into the water and expected a fat, wheezing gator to bob to the surface and wallow there on his back like a slob in a recliner. When one finally popped up, it sort of spiraled in front of us on a light current before it swept its tale gracefully and glided toward the far bank. I couldn’t help but note that he looked trim and fit and nothing like the diabetes candidate I had imagined. He obviously hadn’t eaten what I just had.

The burger kept me full for the remainder of my visit and, best of all, I didn’t have to relive that time I had shrimp gumbo and had to speed home to the can with my car’s hazard lights blinking. Again, what more can you ask for from fast food? This weekend, I highly recommend that you spend a day at Riverbanks Zoo observing the animals. And while you’re there, stop off at Kenya Cafe to eat a couple.