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LTR’s 04/16/06

Dear SCANA, Here’s the SCE&G F$!k Eau Claire counter again. While you agreed not to take Judith Jones’ property, there is still trash among the tall grass you never mow right smack in the middle of a residential neighborhood. No, we aren’t going to let this go. It’s similar to our obsession with mentioning Council Woman Tameika Devine and Mayor Bob Coble’s illegal campaign contributions. (Even if the election is over and the mainstream press continue to ignore it.) 44 days of fuck Eau Claire Columbia City Paper

Dear guy in the ice cream truck, We saw you getting pulled over by two cops off Knox Abbott and were wondering what was up. While we were searching through the glove box for a camera some redneck in a pick up truck rolled down his window and said, “You think it’s funny, but he ain’t sellin’ ice cream out of that truck, he’s selling crack.” We just wanted to know if that was true. Columbia City Paper

Dear Self Check Out: Much of the general public hasn’t had any cashier experience. Heck, I was once a grocery cashier but sometimes you tend to get pretty rusty once you’re out of the game. I’ve noticed that people still need humans to come over 50 percent of the time, and it also takes three times as long when some yahoo can’t find the code for his yellow bananas. So in the interest of speeding things up and educating the general public, the PLU code for yellow bananas is #4011. Columbia City Paper

Dear Designer Sunglasses Dude, Those glasses really do express to the world how cool you are. Now, when it turns nighttime and you are wearing them inside a crowded bar, that expression quickly turns to “I am a massive tool.” Columbia City Paper

Dear Without A Shirt On, The following activities do not exclude you from having to wear a shirt in public places:

1. You Are In A Band. (You can play music without your nipples)
2. You Are Running (It’s great you are exercising but your hairy belly just strained my cornea)
3. Manual Labor (landscaper, painters and roofers; there’s no casual Friday in the Blue Collar world. Keep your clothes on.) Basically save it for the beach where we expect to be grossed out, and make sure your friend above doesn’t forget his sunglasses. Columbia City Paper