Greenville's free alternative weekly

LTR’s archived from 1/26/06

Dear Columbia Star, Thanks for keeping Columbia’s elderly population so thoroughly entertained. We at CCP especially enjoyed the Jan. 6 cover story about the lady who has been impersonating Minnie Pearl for 52 years. Do you think we could get her ringside at CCP’s annual Women’s Vanilla Pudding Wrestling Smackdown? Columbia City Paper

Dear Rep. Bob Inglis, We are glad that you finally admitted that global warming exists, telling the Post & Courier: “It’s interesting what happens when you have an opportunity to learn some facts.” Ah, you’ve changed, Bob. But we remember the good old days, such as the time you said: “The homosexual agenda of the 1990s is a campaign of perversity.” Remember that one? You were railing against a bill that would protect gays under laws that currently ban workplace discrimination based on race, religion or national origin. We are glad you are becoming more progressive, just like your buddy Sen. Lindsay Graham, who now pretends to be a middle-ofroad politician as Election Day nears. Remember Sen. Graham’s good old days, Bob? He was the key senator pushing for President Bill Clinton’s impeachment. In South Carolina, it’s good to know that our politicians are — er, um — uniters, not dividers. That’s the jargon, right? Columbia City Paper

Dear Vista West Riverfront Condo Developers, We appreciate that you’re sparking economic growth in Cayce and West Columbia, but it’s awful that you razed the natural landscape along West Columbia Riverwalk. I guess we’ll just have to enjoy the natural beauty of the large walls surrounding your milliondollar compounds. Have any ideas for colors? We suggest green, which will match the color of your pockets and the vegetation you destroyed. Cheers! Columbia City Paper Dear Gov. Mark Sanford, We decided not to make fun of you this issue. You’re off the hook, good buddy. And thanks again for writing our horoscopes. Columbia City Paper

Dear USC students, We would like to take this space in our print newspaper empire to recognize Tyron McFarlan as the USC alumni who recently took the job as ringmaster for the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus. Now, a lot of people think the story about the circus should be that PETA is protesting for the way the circus treats animals. Whether that’s true or not, we’re wondering if the fact that a USC graduate landed the job as head clown means that USC is a publicly acknowledged and respected “clown college.” Columbia City Paper

Dear Corey Hutchins, We know you’re a star these days, what with your name in the papers and face on TV. But get with it, pal. Your 15 minutes expired. It’s time to swallow your pride, buy a fire extinguisher and come back to work. Columbia City Paper