Greenville's free alternative weekly

archived letters to the reader 1/12/06

Dear new readers, You probably picked this up because you heard about us on WLTX news, WIS, The State Newspaper Metro cover, National Public Radio, the Associated Press wire, Editor&Publisher magazine or michaelmoore.com. Well, just for grins we made the cover a watered down joke. Maybe you thought we’d also make a big deal about the incident in this issue, but only nationwide syndicated columnist Ted Rall will mention it within these pages. Leave it to the pros. Now get a clue, clown shoe. Paul Blake Publisher

Dear bumped into, Hey, the place is packed and you are in public. There’s certain risks you take in life, and when you go out for a beer one thing you sign up for is to be unexpectedly brushed upon in a crowded bar. Guess what else, you’ll probably get beer spilled on your clothes and smell like an ashtray the next day. You are like a whiny reservist that is upset they are called for combat. You choose to go to a dive bar. You choose to go out to presumably have a good time. Why all of a sudden is it like I just got caught banging your wife? Chill out hot head, and lay off the yak. Columbia City Paper

Dear email-inbox, You ever hear of drunk dialing? Well over here at Columbia City Paper, if you haven’t noticed our publisher has a little problem shooting off at the keyboard, and not in the way that puts a smile on his face and makes the keys stick. He’s sent some real gems to USC and even some rival media in town after a few Milwaukee Bests. We don’t want to look like we’ve lost our backbone but wanted to let you know we are aware of the problem. Just never ever expect an apology. Columbia City Paper

Dear wife beaters, While we are transitioning to a new editor, there’s a good chance we might start printing your names in the crime watch. We are kind of sick reading about you hitting your wife, and the biggest problem is that there’s nothing funny about it. Try getting some crack from MLK Park or knocking over a dollar store because we like the zips to be funny. Columbia City Paper

Dear Governor Lovelace, We at City Paper like the way that sounds. We understand you had a schedule change but we don’t think this town will vote “Lovelace” without you talking to us first. Columbia City Paper